It's Not A Sample. It's a Life
Or how I found my confidence in taking action
Another day in care job. Wake up at 7:15 am, enter the client's house, make a cup of tea and unplug the wheelchair. Every day I have the same script that my brain knows by heart, but I'm afraid I have to disagree.
Take 12-hour shifts, see 17 patients daily, provide companionship and follow the job without errors.
”They must be resilient’’ — I thought and decided to become one of them.
However, this article is not about my inspiration but the eureka moment.
Real insight just came to my mind and left a huge mess of emotions hiding all childhood, teenage years and my 20s, until the day when my friend suggested that t both of us will go to see a psychotherapist.
For those who will go to a therapist for the first time, I would recommend making a conscious decision that you go there because you want to be "reborn".
You want to find out how does it feel if you open that black box with emotions.
Last summer, my Pandora box was unlocked, but I decided to close it. Why do I want to relive those intense negative feelings? Why can't I live my life as I do?
Deep inside me, I was fighting with this new normality every day, every minute of my routine, feeling that I was wasting my time. Wasting my days, as I think I am capable of more. Then, recently, I started my therapy again and guess what? Again I am in that uncomfortable position facing the fight.
The worst fight, as I am fighting with myself.
Maybe when I am absorbed with my favourite job, fall in love and then shout, "I'm alive! I'm thrilled with my life! ".
I wish to see and feel this moment soon, but before a happy end, there is a long journey in front of us, and only those who decide to be brave, find the courage and go through obstacles will be able to "live" their real life.
Are you ready for this?
I wasn't, but I took the chance. That's why I want to share with you my story and prepare for the milestones, roundabouts turn and changing gears, as we will have to learn how to switch them.
Navigate those emotions.
That's why when you sit in the driver's seat, you feel scared, lost and panicking, as you don't know how to start the car or change the gears. But you hope to go on a motorway.
You learn all of it during those 16 lessons, and in a few months, you see yourself happy with a smile on your face — "I passed the test. I have a driving licence now!". Similarly, we can compare driving with a process of emotion navigation.
You don't know when to turn or how to switch from gear one into gear two, but you have a driving instructor who tells you
“Press the clutch and let it go slowly. Remember to look into the mirrors, as you may have a car behind you.”
Consequently, you keep those tips in your mind because you know they will help you drive safely and reach your destination without any accidents.
Same in life.
Do you want to know your route?
Do you want to learn how to make decisions on your own and take responsibility for your actions?
That's why you need to make a call. Find an instructor and book a driving lesson or… coaching session.
However, before you start, you need to be aware that the first few "driving trials" will be painful — you may push too much, stop in the middle of the road or have difficulty "feeling" the size of the car.
Exactly same elements you will face in psychotherapy: connecting with yourself, feeling 10x more emotions and making new decisions with greater awareness, more fear and less judgement.
And that's why it's worth beginning your "driving lessons" before you get into your 50s.
I know it's painful.
I know you will want to run away, but YOU have to do that because you don't get a sample.
That's not a test drive or a trial, but your chance to get it right.
You may be surprised how much potential you have and how you can elevate your life if you learn how to drive.
I don't know yet where this journey will lead me, but one thing I know for sure — you will have a new you after this journey.
I don't know who is that awesome person reading this article. Still, I know that this person pressing the shining keyboard at midnight has reconnected dramatically with the inner child, hidden anger and sadness duet, and that delicious vanilla cookie dough Ben & Jerry!
Good luck with your next driving lesson!
Summary
Psychotherapy is like a driving lesson — you learn to change the gears, stir the wheel and trust your intuition. And this journey starts with your decision to commit to the process.
PS. In the following article, I will tell you who helped me go through palliative care, night shift with a dying man, and realised that I could do more.
